‘Cut the shit, nerds,’ began candidate Omar Harduwar in a fiery speech to a baying crowd of his core constituency: sick cunts, legends, and confused BAFE students who saw an ex-Churchie school captain speaking and followed like a herd of Ralph Lauren-clad sheep.
As Day 4 of the UQLS Presidential campaign rolled on, the Commerce/Law student decided to intensify his messaging, and hone in on a group that will likely carry him the election.
With assistance from Campaign Manager and brother-in-law, Perry Prineas, Harduwar nutted out a speech that, while light on policy statements, was heavy on the rhetoric that has so many calling him ‘the best UQLS President since Bradman.’
‘It’s time to go back to our roots, of beers, bodacious babes, and bangingly good times,’ he stated, barely audible through the nineteen pairs of sunglasses that were decorating his chiseled features.
‘It’s time to put the TC back in TC Beirne School of Law.’
Perhaps harking back to Gough Whitlam’s famous ‘It’s Time’ campaign of the 1972 Federal Election, Harduwar’s claim that ‘it’s time’ to return ‘TC’ to ‘TCB’ is perhaps slightly ignorant of the fact that it actually stands for Thomas Charles Beirne, rather than just some Grammar TC called Beirne or something.
Nevertheless, the strategy seems to be working well. Fewer gimps, goobers, and general dweeb-heads have been spotted in the Law Library over the past few days, and the vague sounds of the ‘Top Gun’ anthem played on electric guitar has been heard over the loudspeakers.
In fact, the Harduwar strategy of walking through the library and tripping dorks who are carrying too many books has counterintuitively encouraged the Law School to go paperless.
I guess there are ways to save the environment that involve acting like the star of an 80s teen movie called ‘What It Is’ or something.
More to come.