‘Frick me sideways!’ thought Daniel Godfrey, a 26-year old graduate lawyer at McHewitt Pearce Gordon, as he stepped outside of his beautifully air-conditioned Eagle St offices, and into the hellish, oppressive 31-degree heat.
As a fairly hot wind blew, slapping Daniel’s sweaty Oxford shirt across his flabby body, sapping Daniel’s already-sapped strength and willpower, he had a fairly profound realisation.
‘My god - this must be exactly what a bushfire feels like. Gee frickin’ whiz, it’s a stinker out here!’
With a leap in logic largely unmatched throughout history, Daniel has extended his experience of feeling a bit toasty at 1.15pm in Brisbane’s CBD to being caught in the midst of a roaring, horrifying, swirling blaze of fire, ash, and smoke.
Whilst conditions can certainly be uncomfortable on a hot day in the city, Daniel enjoys two advantages over those caught in a genuine bushfire - (1) he can always head back inside to enjoy the cool, refreshing air-conditioning, and (2) his flesh isn’t burning alive.
With Daniel’s usual coffee place a scorching 450m away, the kiosk outside his office will have to do. And with the sweltering, sweaty blueberry muffins offered by the kiosk looking more and more unappetising by the minute, lunch will have to be a hasty apple consumed in the comfort of the office.
After the trials and tribulations of waiting for a flat white in 31-degree, sometimes-30-degree heat, Daniel will reportedly head back inside to sip on it, before exclaiming ‘Frickin’ fuck! That’s too hot!’ and wondering whether the slightly burnt roof of his mouth is remotely similar to what it feels like to be in a bushfire.
Interesting scenes. Doubtful there will be more to come, but you never know.