Students across the University of Queensland are outraged by recent accusations that popular payment application, QPAY, has tampered with the (law) ball.
In shocking footage which was sent exclusively to The Obiter, it appears that QPAY has used yellow tape to rough up their website, ensuring it would crash regularly as people attempted to purchase tickets to the Law Ball. This shocking act of tampering is almost unheard of, but several in the ball community have claimed this is ‘not the first time they’ve done this,’ and that ‘using foreign objects to tamper with the ball’ is a systemic issue for QPAY.
Students attempting to purchase tickets to the UQLS Law Ball have been left reeling by the tampering, with their chance to enjoy an evening of frivolity severely crippled by this sickening act of cheating.
Even more disturbing is upon these accusations coming to light, QPAY stuffed the yellow tape down its trousers. We reached out to QPAY to ask how a payment application even has trousers. the response was simply ‘…don’t question our methods. We get results!’ Strange.
In a statement released just a few moments ago, Prime Minister and famously sloppy Law Ball attendee, Malcolm Turnbull, has expressed that the tampering ‘beggars belief,’ and it ‘threatens to cripple the national institution we hold dear – getting absolutely fucking blind in formalwear.’
UQLS investigators are currently on a plane to the QPAY offices, with a four-ball suspension a likely penalty for this sickening occasion of cheating. In the meantime, if you know anyone affected in any way by this awful event, please get in contact at firstname.lastname@example.org.