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Triple J Novice Starts Panic Listening to Psychedelic Porn Crumpets On Repeat After Being Invited to Hottest 100 Party

January 21, 2022 The Obiter

When Viola Banks (22) was invited to a law school jock’s Facebook event, “Hottest 100: LeT’s GeT cRuNk ahhhhhhhhhhhhh,” she broke out into a cold sweat. Like the rest of us, until Wednesday, Viola didn’t know who the fuck Amyl And The Sniffers were.

‘I’d not heard of Triple J, my go-to radio station has always been Classic FM!’ the 20-somethig-year-old descendant of Mozart told the Obiter.

‘They’re all going to know I’ve never been to Splendour!’ Viola anxiously stammered to herself, profusely sweating at the thought of being caught completely out of her depth tomorrow.

With only three days until Australia’s most hectic shindig, Viola promised herself she would learn the lyrics to AT LEAST the top 50 predictions. For the past 72 hours, the young trombonist has listened to the Hottest 100 Spotify playlist on repeat.

She can now proudly recite up to the first chorus of that Wiggles cover and is confident she won’t have to lip-sync ‘rhubarb’ for six hours on Saturday.

Like most young women, Viola has become a proud advocate of the saying ‘fake it till ya make it.’

The Obiter extends its best wishes to Viola for Saturday.

No more to come.

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