In horrific news developing today, former Prime Minister of Japan, Shinzo Abe, is in a critical condition after being shot at a rally while giving a speech in the western city of Nara.

As the world wraps their head around this tragedy, one man who is taking the news particularly poorly is recently resigned British Prime Minister and bumbling sex pest - Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson.

‘Well thanks a lot Shinzo! This week is just the ruddy worst isn’t it!’ Boris moaned, again demonstrating his keen ability to read the room.

‘Won’t someone think about me in all this??’ he grumbled, furious that another former world leader would dare upstage him like this.

No more to come (probably ever - we fully expect to be cancelled).