2025 Brainrot on Latest List of Phrases Banned by Crisafulli Government

Following his implementation of “strong, decisive” measures against hate speech, David Crisafulli has taken it upon himself to piss off even more of Queensland’s youth, announcing a blanket ban on the phrases “Tung Tung Tung Sahur” and “67”. 

Citing concerns to do with Tung Tung Tung Sahur’s “divisive, Muslim roots” as well as the “ability of ‘67’ to foster intergenerational, global connections,” Crisafulli announced at a press conference this morning that the public display of these phrases— staples of Gen Alpha culture— would be criminalised by the beginning of next year. 

“It’s just too dangerous,” said Crisafulli. “Next thing you know, Queenslanders might actually realise that the cultural lexicon we access on a day-to-day basis is founded in our shared humanity and mutual understanding. This is a major threat to our community, and there is nothing more important to me than keeping Queenslanders safe.” He then dismissed any further questions from gathered journalists and proceeded to spend an hour explaining why powering AI data centres with natural gas would make Queensland great again. 

To get a true reflection of what Gen Alpha Queenslanders had to say about the ban, The Obiter conducted several vox pops in the play area located on Level 2 of Westfield Mount Gravatt.  

“67 is actually really dead,” said Sally Knowles, aged 9. “No one does it anymore because all the teachers got to it.” After a moment’s reflection, she added, “But I will miss Tung Tung Tung Sahur. Can they really just ban us from saying his name?”

Upon learning that the gesture of 67 would remain unscathed, Connor Thorne, aged 8, proclaimed that he would “continue to do what he was already doing.” “I don’t like listening to my dad when he tells me what to do,” he said. “So I don’t care if this guy says I can’t say it. I’m going to say it anyway. 67 67 67 67 67.” 

Whether Crisafulli intends to punish these young offenders under his Adult Crime, Adult Time policy remains unknown. If he follows through, every brainrotted Gen Alpha— or the occasional millennial lurker on r/fellowkids— may be subject to a maximum penalty of six months’ imprisonment. 

The Obiter will continue to investigate. 

Posse of Normally-Dressed Spectators Causes Chaos at Clowncil Question Time

The City Clowncil sitting week started off with a bang (or, rather, with a silent ‘pop!’ flag unfurling from a pistol).

As Question Time progressed - bringing reports on new unicycle lanes, juggling programs for the unemployed, and the Brisbane Metro - an unwelcome presence in the visitors’ gallery drew murmurs from the Clowncil benches.

A group of spectators, hair undyed, faces unpainted, dressed to the nines in business casual, seated silently with their notepads drawn.

“I see the party police have decided to join us!” crowed Lord Mayor Boingo McChuckles, as a chorus of honking noses built to a crescendo.

“Why don’t you go put on your regular-sized shoes and skedaddle!”

Security eventually shooed the spectators out of the chamber (by way of water-squirting flower).

Confronted about the incident as the Clowncillors piled into their one tiny car at the end of the day, Cr Pogo Bogo commented: “I’m all for public acclowntability, and my temper’s usually as long as this handkerchief [said as she pulled one from her sleeve].”

“But you know what they say… the show must go on.”

Cr Pierrot le Mime declined to comment, but offered a heartstring-pulling performance depicting his existential feelings of imprisonment in a box of his own making.

Spokespeople for the observers, the disappointingly named Lucy Nicholls and Tom Carmody, remain undeterred in their quest for transparency.

“The people of Brisbane want answers. We are done saying, ‘Not my circus, not my monkeys.’”

More to come.

Temu Trump Wants To 'Make Plagiarism Great Again'

Educators collectively groan as Dutton demonstrates academic misconduct can get you surprisingly far in life.

This week Opposition Leader Peter Dutton proposed a referendum on deporting all dual citizens convicted of criminal offences in Australia. If you’re feeling a sense of déjà vu, like you’ve heard something like this in the news already this week, you’d be absolutely correct. It’s all part of the prospective PM’s unorthodox, yet apparently very effective new campaign strategy: plagiarism.

 Dutton’s announcement comes not even a week after several similar deportation-centric policies were implemented by US President Donald Trump, making this the latest in a spree of Dutton unashamedly copying Trump’s homework.

From plans to end work-from-home arrangements, to slashing the public service workforce, to baseless claims that DEI policies are to blame for all that’s wrong with the world, Dutton might as well have copied and pasted the Wikipedia page for Trump’s first three months in Office. He’s even suggested an equivalent to Elon Musk’s ‘DoGE,’ which unfortunately for Zillenials evokes not only the usual sense of impending political doom, but also irritating memes of illiterate Shiba Inus.

 In an exclusive interview with The Obiter, Dutton gleefully remarked “Why do the work when you can just copy someone else’s"? In the real world, there’s no Turnitin score or Academic Misconduct allegations to hold you back. Take this as a sign kids, with a little grit, a little determination, and absolutely no moral compass, you too could be a political leader like me!”

 School teachers, university lecturers, and Australian academic authorities alike are at a loss for how to proceed given Dutton’s public promotion of plagiarism. “Honestly what’s left to do at this point?” lamented India Pilly, a high school teacher from Brisbane. “If one of the most powerful men in Australia, potentially our next Prime Minister, is proof that plagiarism is the key to success, what hope do I have convincing Billy from Year 9 not to use Chat GPT to do his History Assignment? Honestly, I don’t get paid enough to care about this shit.”

 This new strategy has seen Dutton dubbed ‘Temu Trump’ which evidently could not be more accurate. After all, he’s a disappointing knock- off, worth a lot less money, and (based on the Liberal Party’s recent record) will be replaced within a matter of months.

Hourlong Conversation with Trump and Vance has Zelensky Yearning for the Frontlines

‘Thank God Elon wasn’t there – there’s only so many dodgy billionaire ****heads I can deal with at once’, Zelensky allegedly muttered.

 You would think that dealing with an invasion by Vladimir Putin: a part-time defenestration enthusiast and full-time power-crazed despot would be the worst experience of Volodymyr Zelensky’s life. Since taking office in 2019, he has been dealing with Russia’s imperialist expansion, which came to a head during a full-scale invasion in 2021. As much as his people have suffered at the hands of the Russian army, Zelensky has hit a new low: spending time with Donald Trump and J.D. Vance. Together.

 The lead-up hasn’t been pleasant – Trump has spent the past 3 years telling everyone about how close he is with Putin (after all: it takes one to know one!). Since assuming office, Trump has told a blatant and repugnant lie about the start of the conflict (and doubled-down by voting against a resolution recognising Russia started the conflict) and has now been trying to steal Ukraine’s natural resources (imperialist habits die hard, don’t they) as part of a peace deal. Wouldn’t it be better to just be turned into the ‘Riviera of Eastern Europe’ or some other batshit crazy Trump idea?

 Against this backdrop, Zelensky had to endure the indignity of shaking hands with America’s favourite rapist, and his potbellied, weird beard sidekick (because, as Australians have seen with Dutton, the only thing worse than Trump is a loser who desperately wants to be like him). He was then subject to a barrage of verbal and personal attacks about such important matters as outfit choice and who ‘holds the cards’ from the most unlikeable double-team since Goebbels and Eichman.

 There was one silver lining: he didn’t have to speak to Elon. ‘he’d probably tell me I needed to fire all my soldiers or some shit’, said Zelensky. ‘I know I don’t have a lot to be thankful for right now, but I am so incredibly grateful that I only have to deal with Trump and Putin’ – anyone else would be way too much.

The Obiter hopes Zelensky is feeling alright. We can’t think of anything worse than being lectured about American imperialism by two glorified, big-toe-looking gruncles. Hopefully no more to come.

Disgraced Prime-Time Radio Presenter Announces “I’m Starting a Podcast”

Days after his swift termination from REDACTED radio station, Farty Smearsilver announces a career shift into podcasting, in a move literally everyone saw coming.

Presenter Farty Smearsilver was axed from his prime-time radio slot on Wednesday, after a completely unprovoked misogynistic tirade aimed at Australia’s beloved women’s football team sparked nationwide outrage and demands for his immediate dismissal. 

After a brief stint in the hospital (believed to have been treating self-inflicted puncture wounds to his genitals), Smearsilver announced a career shift so unsurprising it might well be lifted directly from the ‘Disgraced Public Figure’s Guide to Clinging to an Ounce of Relevancy’: he’s starting his own podcast. 

Smearsilver announced his new podcast “The Farty Smearsilver Show: The Podcast”, a title cleverly aimed at the intelligence level of people who would voluntarily subject themselves to an hour of his stream-of-consciousness musings thrice weekly. As the newest addition to the ‘Shit Bloke Turned Man With A Podcast™ Club’, he joins the likes of Joe Rogan, the Paul brothers, and those indistinguishable moustached and mullet-ed Aussie podcasting duos; men who believe possession of an armchair and a free-standing mic entitles the world to their unsolicited opinions. 

“I think this new format will be perfect for me” remarked Farty. “It’s just like radio except I can say whatever I want with absolutely no repercussions. Plus, there’s no woke DEI intern getting on my case when I accidentally use the occasional swear word or racial slur. Genuinely I can say whatever I want now, look! ****! ******* ****! Mother****ing **** ****!” 

In an effort to drum up publicity for his new show, Smearsilver has teased the topic for his inaugural episode: “Why the exclusion of transgender women is essential to protect the integrity of women’s sport.”

BREAKING: Albo quaking in his boots as Dutton-hopeful takes on Constitutional Law this semester

“Just enrolled in LAWS3700! Watch out, Labor”, announced Benjamin Buttface (Young LNP legend) on Instagram threads this morning.

Reports out of the ACT this morning have described a low-level earthquake at the Lodge. Some paps allege the PM has been found wrapped tightly in bed, shivering - presumably in fear. Still speculative - it seems he's received word that notorious Young Liberal hero, 21 year old Benjamin Buttface has announced a new academic advancement.

Now entitled to bragging rights because he's read the entire Australian Constitution in preparation for the course, the upcoming election will surely be the biggest political takedown since Jake Paul vs Mike Tyson or Donald Trump & Joe Biden.

Buttface's notoriously significant cultural influence on his own demographic (ultra-conservative university students with a deep appreciation for their mounting HECS debt) combined with his newfound political credibility, mean Australia must prepare for a totally epic shakedown in May.

"Fuck you, Anthony. Not even the radical lefties can stop us now!"

(Hopefully no) more to come.

Freedom Of Speech Under Threat With Shocking Obiter Editor-in-Chief Nomination Mystery

A universal human right is under threat after the Obiter’s big dog position 'suspiciously’ receives no nominations, causing many to worry about the future of press freedom in the UQLS. 

The Obiter has long stood as the important fourth estate providing head noise to many after the law ball, it’s impartial UQLS election coverage, and great quality MAFS articles. 

Now the future is looking grim for not only the masthead, but the landscape of press freedom in this country. 

While Renato Costa’s Aussie Law may argue the constitution does not explicitly protect freedom of expression, we believe this country should give more of a damn about the Obiter’s feelings. 

This has caused many to entertain conspiracies about the the Obiter next year. Asking questions such as: 

Is the UQLS trying to censor such an impartial, objective and credible fourth estate? 

Has The Betoota Advocate bought the Obiter?

Is the Obiter collaborating with the UQUTE campus dating show? 

Is this just Elliot Perkins trying to get ahold of deleted 2022 UQ Law Ball videos? 

Has Obiter got too big for it’s own boots? 

#freedomofthepress

Annabelle ‘Cool’: Why Electing Annie Khoo To The Position Of Secretary Would Be Disastrous

We all know how important the position of Secretary of the UQ Law Society is. They are the bedrock of our prestigious institution and ensure the effective implementation of the society’s rules. UQLS Secretary is a serious role designed for boring people - like Beining Zhang - yet Annie clearly loves a drink.

Pictured is Annie studying several alcoholic drink. The only thing she should be studying is the Society’s constitution and how QPAY functions. Someone has to work that cursed app out and it is the Secretary.

Annie has been one of this year’s socials officers. Pretty self-explanatorily cool.

The Obiter has heard reports that Annie is involved in the “Law Revue.” The only laws she should be reviewing is the UQLS by-laws. 

Annabelle Khoo is too cool. The society would fall into disrepair if she were elected to the role.

The Obiter humbly calls for some nerd to run from the floor against her. 

Regards,

A concerned UQLS citizen.