A local man has found himself in at a huge financial crossroad following the release of Apple’s new AirPods. Awkwardly enough for his wallet, the AirPods, a brilliant product and crucial status symbol, have been released during the ‘Avo Toast Movement’ of the mid-to-late 2010s.
Financial strife incoming!
Jason Dean (21), currently studying a Bachelor of Advanced Finance & Economics (should be studying Bachelor of Not Being A Wanker, haha got him) has spent his afternoon constructing a comprehensive Venn diagram to assist him in the decision.
Kindly enough, he even took the time to include a third section, for considering a place to live. Jason has been engaged in a pattern of couch surfing for at least six years now, and if we’re being honest, his mates are growing ‘kind of… fucking sick of the guy’ (a direct quote from a self-described ‘mate’).
In response to his mates’ critical comments on his current living situation, or more accurately, complete lack of a living situation due to avocado toast purchasning, he is often known to respond, ‘trust the process. [praying emoji].’
And yes, he types ‘[praying emoji]’ instead of actually just adding one.
After spending hours meticulously analysing his Venn diagram and consulting with his closest brother, his vomit-stained RMs, he comes to a decision.
‘Now I know what the Great Depression felt like,’ says Jason, looking at his account balance of $3.47 whilst blasting ‘Cash Money,’ by Tyga, through his brand spanking new AirPods.
Live long and prosper, Jason. Because we know your bank account won’t.