“Yeah this is all going to plan.”
The Former Deputy Prime Minister, and alleged fuccboi, Barnaby Joyce, has expressed his quiet confidence that he will only be remembered as the second most infamous cheat of 2018.
“Steve has done me a real solid on this one,” Barnaby smirked when The Obiter caught up with him at the Tamworth Hotel. “I reckon I’m still in the running for the silver medal for disgrace at this year's Letdown Olympics. But Smudge’s stock has skyrocketed after an incredible campaign.”
Despite also attempting to cover up ball tampering, Joyce was adamant his scandal will be delegated to the dustbins of history. “People won’t even remember me compared to Steve “Breaking Bad” Smith over here,'” he said, sipping his rum and Coke with an air of satisfied relief.
“This would be like killing someone the day before they caught Ted Bundy. How good!” The former Deputy said the scandal had improved his outlook on his own circumstances. “I mean, I’ve got it pretty good really. Smith had to support a team and an entire sport, I’ve just got to support some kid.”
Our interview was interrupted when Joyce received a Facetime audio call from a contact listed as “Cameron.” “Sorry Obiter, better take this.” As Joyce headed for the urinals, an excitable “You did great mate, you did fucking great,” was heard echoing through the tavern.
Listen, we’ve got heaps of ideas for this one and it’s just so up our alley so there’s probably going to be so much more to come.