Johnny Utah (24) is no stranger to questions about his weight.
The seventeen stone Business dropout has faced criticism regarding his size from age fifteen; sources tell The Obiter that his frustrated younger cousins, upon being thrown into the pool by their much older and larger relative, would level a number of fat-shaming insults at the young man including, but not limited to, “plugger”, “lard-ass”, and perhaps most offensively, “Free Willy”.
But according to Mr Utah, science is on his side.
“Muscle is heavier than fat brah” he says.
“Some people just can’t respect the bulk – piss-weak cousins included”
While Mr Utah has a measured body fat percentage of 34%, he holds that “it’s not that simple”, and that the technology used to measure the statistic is “barsh” (sic).
The Obiter is investigating the validity of Mr Utah’s claims.