Returning to form, George Pell once again got off today.

The disgraced former Cardinal was granted his freedom in a unanimous High Court decision. Keane J, in his majority opinion, wrote that ‘I’ll admit it. I like getting people off, I do it a lot, and sometimes it gets me into some unfortunate situations,’ likely referencing the impending media backlash to his decision.

‘But I’ve got to do it. I have to get this guy off. In the interests of justice.’

Andrew Bolt was seen in the gallery licking his lips and sweating profusely. The notoriously sick puppy let out a sharp, squeaky exhale upon hearing the verdict, before excusing himself from the courtroom.

A jubilant Pell spoke passionately outside the High Court, pointing at the media and shouting ‘just when you cunts thought my days getting off were over, I get off harder than I ever have before!’

Pell proceeded to cackle wildly as he jumped into the nearby sidecar of a leatherbound, motorcycle riding Tony Abbott, and rode into the sunset.

Someone please, for the love of god, put this man in a cell.