Following Prime Minister Scott Morrison’s recent press conference, mums across Australia rejoiced at the government mandated opportunity to spend more time with their families, who will now have to work or study from home.

After witnessing her sons Adam and Dougald lying on the couch for hours at a time, Samantha Reed, a 44 year old Norman Park native, contacted us here at The Obiter claiming she had made a major breakthrough in the effort to cure the virus.

Her solution?

Put the phones down and go outside.

It is unclear how many clinical trials or even research has gone into Reed’s ambitious statement, but she claims the science is simple.

‘A banana, a bit of vitamin D, and some face to face conversation never hurt anyone,’ she explained to us, earnestly believing the solution to the pandemic which has infected a quarter of a million people and killed nearly ten thousand globally is to stop watching Tik Tok.

Notwithstanding her complete lack of technological knowledge or understanding, Reed blames the virus on ‘that blue light stuff from your phones,’ and has, via a Facebook update, publicly advised all young people they ‘can’t spend the whole pandemic inside on the couch.’

Ironically, going outside and engaging in face-to-face conversation is exactly what the Prime Minister has advised against, and what no Californian is likely to do for the next two weeks.

‘I think everyone’s making too big a deal of this whole COVID thing anyway, if I'm being perfectly frank,’ she says. Coincidentally, Samantha’s husband is also named Frank, who for the next three months will be co-managing his property development business from the kitchen table.

He did not respond to our request for an interview.

Little more to come.