At 8.15am this morning, popular children’s entertainer and self-confessed ‘cookie addict,’ Cookie Monster, was admitted to St Andrew’s War Memorial Hospital in Spring Hill, with an acute case of scurvy.
Whilst the precise pathology of Cookie’s disease is yet to be known to the public, we can report that our best medical experts have laid the blame squarely at the feet of a single lifestyle habit. And it will shock you.
‘It’s the fact he only eats cookies. It’s a miracle he hasn’t already suffered from hypertension, liver failure, skyrocketing cholesterol, an iron deficiency, and to be honest, pretty much anything that isn’t Marfan syndrome,’ stated Dr Harald Doofenschmirtz (no relation), a clinical physician at The Wesley Hospital.
Cookie was found by his younger brother, Mark, face-down on the carpet of his Auchenflower home, surrounded by flecks of vomit and cookie crumbs. When checked for signs of life, Mark was relieved to hear his older brother murmur ‘Cookie, cookie,’ but called the ambulance regardless.
It now looks as if this bold lifestyle choice made by Cookie is paying off in the worst way possible. Scurvy, a disease caused by acute Vitamin C deficiency, can result in decreased blood cells, gum disease, and bleeding from the skin.
Left untreated, scurvy victims can die from infections, or bleeding.
We can only hope that Cookie Monster, body filled with tubes, IV drips, and every medical approach to removing cookies from the bloodstream, can treat this as the wake-up call he requires.
Because he’s been a friend to us all. And we always thought we’d have a chance to say goodbye. But who knows? Time is fleeting. Spend it eating Vitamin C, not cookies.
More to come from this sexy blue cookie addict.