The outbreak of global nuclear warfare is tipped to become the next cause of UQ students being able to put the feet up for a week.

***********

In breaking news this afternoon, the University of Queensland has announced that for the second time in three years, we’re all getting the week off early in the semester as a result of another unprecedented catastrophe.

The Obiter can now confirm that after a lengthy meeting of the UQ Senate, the administration of the university has come to an agreement that a ‘Pause Week’ will be introduced in every single semester for the foreseeable future, a move which Vice-Chancellor Deborah Terry has described as necessary to combat ‘the latest fucked up shit that this bullshit of a decade throws at us’.

Staff at the university have already begun updating the incredibly aesthetically pleasing academic calendar in line with this decision.

Jim David (21), a third-year Economics student at the university, has welcomed the move with open arms.

‘Oh mate, keep ‘em coming I say, haha,’ Jimbo told us, ‘if Putin invading Bulimba means I get a week off to catch up on Survivor, you’re not gonna see me putin up a fight, haha!’

Jimbo’s sentiment no doubt resonates with many a sheltered millennial across Brisbane, whose life remains pretty much the same as it was in 2019.

More fires/floods/coughs/wars to come.