‘I knew the prophecies spoke of this, but I never thought I would live to see this day,’ muttered Robbie Avery (23), a Commerce student and lifelong Brisbane resident, as he grappled with the fact that the temperature in Brisbane occasionally drops below 20°C.
In the sunny Queensland capital, residents enjoy such warm weather and clear skies that every year, around November, it is immediately forgotten that sometimes the weather is not so warm, but rather, cool-to-warm.
Indeed, some describe such lightly cool weather as ‘crisp.’
But for Robbie Avery, this drop in temperature is no mere change in celsius. It is a sign of the ‘long winter to come.’
‘All my life, my father warned me that winter is coming. That I should stockpile supplies, clothes, and men, to last out the ice-storms and the threats brought by the Long Winter,’ whispered Robbie in a shockingly tense interview with The Obiter.
‘I thought it was an old wive’s tale. Crisp weather? In Brisbane? With a level of humidity that isn’t genuinely absurd? Don’t make me laugh! If only he were here to see me now. I wonder what he’d think of my methods for surviving this brutal frost.’
Robbie’s methods for surviving the Long Winter seem to focus on Patagonia sweaters, and socks with his Birkenstocks (in a decision he disgustingly describes as ‘Birkensocks’).
Similarly, it’s worth clarifying that Robbie’s father isn’t dead. When he says ‘if only he were here to see me now,’ he’s referring to the fact that his father isn’t currently attending university with him this morning, because that would be incredibly weird.
‘I wonder if all the other legends he told me were true,’ thought Robbie, as he began sprinting around the Great Court yelling ‘The Night King is coming! Prepare yourselves now,’ forcing everyone else into a mass panic as Brisbane collectively realised that temperatures as cold as 16°C in the morning may be on their way.
More to come if our fingers aren’t too cold to type.