Getting on the punt is one of the great Aussie traditions.
If you find yourself spending a lazy Sunday afternoon drinking a cold one at the bowls club with your mates, it’s perfectly natural to be overcome with the sudden urge to put a couple pineapples on the pokies at their local leagues club.
Who can honestly say they haven’t been there?
Nothing beats the exhilaration that comes with a big win. But gambling can be a problem for the best of us. Lulled into a dangerous, unconscious stupor by the soothing bright lights of the machines, we all know what it’s like to be dragged kicking and screaming from Lightning Link at 3 in the morning, having lost thousands.
Fuck me dead, it ain’t pretty!
That’s why it’s just so great to hear this morning from your mate Brendan, who indicated that he definitely doesn’t have a crippling gambling problem.
Your mates have been worried for him ever since he started blowing off beers with the boys in order to spend more time with the pokies. But Brendan has promised everything’s sweet.
Yes, he might have taken out thousands in high-interest payday loans to fuel his crushing addiction.Yes, he might have developed a thousand-yard stare. Yes, dark shadows have formed under his eyes as a result of his chronic lack of sleep.
But Brendo has assured you that he can stop any time he likes, he just doesn’t want to yet.
Quitting isn’t a problem for him. It’s just that he doesn’t plan on quitting until he makes back all the money he’s lost. He probably has it all under control, and isn’t that all that matters?
At press time, Brendan had moved back home with his elderly parents after Øvrevoll Hosle had defied their recent poor form in the Norwegian women's football second division, completely fucking his multis.
But he’s assured you that she’ll be right, so no need to worry. He will be back on his feet in no time!
Please God, no more to come.