The devastating UN report into the future prospects of endangered species paints a grim picture for the future of biodiversity and humanity in general.

I mean, really we all knew things were looking pretty shit, but this report is a good reminder that other people also know it’s looking shit.

However, the fact that one million species are soon to become extinct, and many more after, has devastated all except Tim Burbins, local manager of Palm Beach Wildlife Sanctuary.

‘Loved Jurassic Park,’ says Tim, ‘and the idea that extinct animals could be brought back to life for a financially rewarding exercise is very intriguing!’

‘The issue with that, though, is the whole thing with the mosquitoes and the egg stuff. But with all these creatures going extinct, all I need to do is round up a few local pests and in a few years these little boys will be hot property!’

Tim chuckles as he pockets a gecko and, with the sound of a Kookaburra rustling in his other pocket.

‘Forget Jurassic Park, 20th-century park is where she’s at!’ Tim laughed maniacally.

If there’s anything to learn from this little snippet of news, is that no Malcolm, sometimes, life does not find a way.

So much more to come.