Ben Howe attended his LAWS2704 lecturer’s consult anticipating some juicy assignment advice, but was instead met with the sordid realisation that he is academically alone in this world.

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After previously being a favourite of third year law students, Professor William Zhang is quickly losing friends in the West Wing.

‘Bloke’s a real cock tease’ said Ben Howe at press time, visibly disgusted.

It’s easy to understand Ben’s frustration, because despite encouraging his students to attend his consult, Professor Zhang remained remarkably tight-lipped during the discussion, answering basic questions pertaining to structure and audience with cryptic responses like, ‘I couldn’t possibly say’ or ‘I can’t comment on that due to Covid’ or even ‘you’ll understand when you’re older’.

One student told The Obiter that when she asked Professor Zhang what the word limit for the assignment was, he simply responded: ‘you have to keep breaking your heart until it’s open’.

While the unsolicited advice may come in handy next time any of the four students who attended the consult go through a harrowing life experience, they remain utterly unprepared for their Trusts and Equity I take-home.

No more to come.