23-year-old law graduate Bethany Peters, who still sleeps in the bedroom she grew up in, has made the split-second decision at her firm’s Friday afternoon drinks to refer to her parents and younger sister as her “housemates”.
Friday drinks are a hallowed tradition at Ms. Peters’ firm, Willoughby Robertson, and after polishing off the first round of pints at Jade Buddha, her much older colleagues began to discuss sharehouse horror stories, in great detail.
After countless tales of filthy bedrooms and embarrassing housemates, Bethany became rapidly aware that she was the only one at the table not contributing. During a silence, she nervously stated “yeah, same… one of my housemates always borrows my clothes without asking.” Our reports indicate she was, in fact, referring to her 17-year-old sister, Veronica Peters. A round of polite groans and cries of “ugh, the worst” gave her the confidence to commit to her account, and Bethany was soon lamenting to her workmates about a number of topics, all concerning how terrible her ‘housemates’ are.
“Two of my roommates never make my younger roommate do the washing up,” said Bethany, following up with “…they only started to let my boyfriend sleep in my room last year - they didn’t want to set a bad precedent for the share house!” Looking around the table, she made sure everyone was intently listening to her next anecdote, knowing it was absolutely killer. “When I was 6 years old, I walked in on two of my roommates absolutely going at it under the covers… I’m only now just starting to appreciate how mentally scarring it was,” she whispered. When Mark from IT agreed, stating “it’s just the worst to walk in on one of your housemates getting a good dicking,” our sources suggest Bethany winced uncomfortably.
Not wanting to appear too negative, Ms. Peters concluded her rant on a positive note. “I mean it’s not all bad, two of them pay for the WiFi, and the youngest one will always bring me a toilet roll to the bathroom if we’ve run out!”
The Obiter is awaiting further reports on whether her deception was completely successful.