‘Yeah, so it was pretty full on,’ recapped Joseph Earl (26), again reminding other dinner party attendees that he saw a couple of blokes take a few bucks from the cash register of the local public pool administration building last Tuesday.

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There were dramatic scenes at 7pm last Tuesday in Lutwyche, with a public pool administration building viscously burgled - the offenders stealing $95 cash and a single rainbow paddle pop from the mini freezer.

A neighbourhood resident (Joseph, 26) was walking his pit bull terrier, Lloyd, at the time. When police arrived, Joseph was elated that he, a 26-year-old, second-year Arts student, bore crucial evidence.

Joseph, a remarkably unremarkable man, immediately realised his luck. Neighbours emerged from their homes – all eyes seemingly on him as he single-handedly took down a dangerous criminal organisation.

‘I was asking Lloyd whether he wanted to watch Mythbusters or Kung Fu Panda 2 (again) tonight and when I looked up, I saw four masked men jump into a Ford Fiesta with a bag of cash and a single rainbow paddle pop,’ he told QPS officers.

Since last Tuesday, Joseph has miraculously worked his heroism into every interaction. Without a doubt, various dinner parties, hot dates and new friends are on his horizon. ‘I’m basically a celebrity’, Joseph has started thinking to himself.

Currently, Joseph is seeking a book deal and a Netflix mini-series.

More crime-fighting to come. Beware.