In utterly unsurprising news emerging from the TCB (Too Cool, Bitches) School of Law this morning, it appears that law students have now entered that strange two-week period where they are actually nice to each other. For a degree dominated by dogged competitiveness and passive-aggression to rival your boyfriend’s dumb mates, there can only be one reason for this deranged spate of kindness out of the blue.

Elections.

The second-most important ‘E’ to a law student.

As anticipation grows over who will nominate for President, students are growing increasingly suspicious of any kind words they hear across the course of a typical day. And even for those involved with the governance of the Law Society, it is notable that a tyrannical VP who rules with an iron fist over their portfolio can all of a sudden be ‘checking in to see how your mental health is going on.’

Here’s one for you - it was going better when you weren’t telling me every minute that I ‘wasn’t doing enough for the society!’

Zoom seminars are now colosseums of condescending politeness, as students trip over each other to say ‘great answer, Josh,’ and ‘nailing it again, Becky,’ in a colossally deranged attempt to win three extra votes.

This is despite the fact that the only true power in the Law School is held by Mike Fielding, who has been pulling strings behind the scenes this entire time.

Ever wonder why you’ve never actually met Patrick Parkinson?

Wonder no more to come.