In an ongoing investigation, The Obiter have discovered that yes, Moshtix and Splendour do personally hate you. We can reveal that failure to secure Splendour tickets is not due to technical deficiencies, or simply bad luck, but rather, a genuine, personal hatred, emanating from the shady organisation known simply as ‘Moshtix.’
Our investigation began this morning, when millions of Australians took to social media to complain about not being able to buy Splendour tickets, despite the fact this is ‘the best lineup eva!’ Most of the criticism was directed at the ticket purchasing website, Moshtix. But rather than people suggesting that tough luck was to blame, or technological struggles, the bulk of comments questioned ‘... why does Moshtix fucking hate me? #ugh #greenroomstruggles.’
While Moshtix would not formally comment on their blatant company-wide policy of hatred, they made several revealing comments off the record. Their VP of sales, Greg Mosh, revealed ‘...honestly, we do personally hate most of our customers. That’s why we have so many employees - each employee is assigned to single ticket purchaser, and instructed to hate them with all their might.’
When we asked Greg to show us to the ‘Hate Department,’ he denied our request, saying it was ‘top-secret, personal hatred business.’ But as we walked past the sign saying ‘DoH’ (Department of Hate), we could hear loud exclamations of ‘Woohoo! I just fucked over someone called “KendrickIsMaBoi69”!’ and ‘Thank god - I just denied this guy four tickets for him and his friends! My hatred succeeds!’
Splendour themselves have denied these allegations, stating ‘Splendour is a loving, free environment. We focus on nothing but good vibes, and making an incredible amount of money.’
Meanwhile, another investigation surfaces, as many ticket purchasers are asking ‘how many tickets have they sold? 3? It’s bullshit!’ However, Splendour have swiftly responded that they have actually sold more than 3 tickets.
Anyone got 3-day camping I could buy?