Jonathan Thurston, retired North Queensland halfback, rugby league legend, so-called King in the North, the Emperor of Emerald, the Monarch of Mackay, the Tsar of Tsownsville, and the Regent of Rockhampton, has shown his jealous side today by declaring it ‘fucked’ that another King in the North gets his own HBO show.
With Game Of Thrones returning to Foxtel screens on April 15, attention will again be on Jon Snow, who was declared King in the North by the northern lords and bannermen at the end of season six. However, footballing icon Thurston was declared King in the North by The Courier-Mail over an eight-year period, which he claims entitles him to at least ‘three’ HBO shows.
‘It’s just sort of bullshit, aye. How many premierships does he have?’ said the retired North Queenslander, who has publicly struggled with the idea that rugby league is not as popular in Westeros as it is in Australia (although social badminton is making a huge comeback in Dorne).
‘He gets this beautifully shot, epic HBO series about himself, and here I am, the true King in the North, and I’m stuck breathing the air of unequivocal dropkicks like Fletch & Hindy, and Paul Gallen.’
Thurston has compared his life experiences to Jon Snow’s, and come to the personal conclusion that ‘JT’ has had it far tougher.
‘Yeah, he might have come back from the dead, but we came back to win the 2015 Grand Final. And we didn’t even need Littlefinger and Sansa to ride in with Knights of the Vale or anything, we just needed Ben Hunt to drop the ball,’ he exclaimed, before laughing in that weird, weird way.
‘I’ve been called a bastard more times than I can remember. But he gets a whole battle named after it? If you could name your rugby league matches after the names you get called on the field, there’d be the ‘Battle of the Rat Cunts’ every second week.’
However, despite his public protests, his Foxtel viewing history indicates Thurston is still pretty keen to catch up on the show by April, after having stopped watching halfway through season seven.
‘Full credit, Daenerys arriving back at Dragonstone is how I feel arriving back in Townsville. Although Townsville has less dragonglass, and more glass. Like, ice. Meth. It’s a real problem.’
Plenty more to come.