Porn empire Brazzers have today unveiled plans to roll out new Fake DiDi service catering to those who want a cheaper wank. At market close the price of wanking had reached a record breaking $7.66 a pop.
Brazzers spokesperson Caitlin Sandersson told our reporters that the new service was sure to disrupt the industry in what could be the biggest paradigm shift since the formation of the dead hand gang.
Fake DiDi is being marketed as ‘a more woke choice for porn viewers everywhere’ as it will be the first rideshare porn genre to feature queer and racially diverse drivers. Despite these triumphs, it is reported that most of the initial dialogue will still follow the initial tropes of “busy night?”, “so how long have you been doing this for?” and “haha how bad does corro traffic get sometimes aye”.
Some punters have also voiced concern over the ties that Fake DiDi have with the Chinese government especially regarding privacy. These fears were however addressed head on by the Porn giant in a statement to the media.
‘Now of course in order to provide cheap wanks we have had to deal directly with the CCP. As a result all data collected surrounding the use of a Fake DiDi will be reported directly to Xi Jingping.’
While this explicit data mining is expected to impact the initial expansion of the service many sinners are unphased.
‘Look if I can get the price of my wanks down to $2.43 with a promo code I’ll happily cop eye contact with a Chinese government agent through my front camera.’ Said impoverished student Cole O’Driscoll
Free Hong Kong more like free my dong am I right?
More to come.