Halsey fan and renowned idiot Emily Cooper has today displayed extraordinary cowardice by working up to a completely unnecessary jog to cross an almost barren street.
The third year Economics student claims that she apparently could not bear the risk of being run over by that tiny little speck in the distance, the fucking idiot.
While Ms Cooper claims that the car was “just a little bit down the road”, eyewitness testimony asserts that the vehicle in question was “at least a block away, if not more.” CCTV footage from the incident was inconclusive, but there did not appear to be any vehicles in the immediate vicinity of Ms Cooper.
Confronted by this evidence at press time, Ms Cooper grew flustered and eventually violent, brandishing a katana while labelling the media in attendance “the real enemy”. While shocked by Cooper’s ability to not act like a complete fucking gimp for once, police moved quickly to take the 21 year old into custody.
While Cooper may be a gutless wonder when it comes to simple tasks like crossing a road without panicking, you have to admire the willingness to murder when confronted by her cowardice.
More to come.