In a brave move that highlights their commitment to innovation, whilst also demonstrating their complete lack of understanding of Brisbane nightlife dynamics, Ronald McDonald, spokesman for the McDonald’s Valley Mall, has recently stated his grand plan to make the Brunswick Street location ‘the next Flying Cock’ for the youth of Brisbane.
Whilst the McDonald’s is an institution on par with the hallowed Cock, its focus on serving fast food, rather than serving up Birdman Randy hits, suggests it may struggle in this gutsy, but misguided attempt to corner the Brisbane youth market.
‘We saw a space left by the closure of the Flying Cock, and thought we should go for it,’ said Mr McDonald, his eyes anxiously darting around to make sure The Hamburglar wasn’t about to ruin his press conference. If there’s one thing The Hamburglar loves more than stealing burgers, it’s ruining press conferences.
Who do you think threw the shoe at George W. Bush?
‘Hiring Grimace as the resident DJ is our first step towards success as the latest nightlife venue for Brisbane youth to let down their hair,’ he continued, with Grimace awkwardly stepping forward and waving, as if they hadn’t really planned this at all.
Critics suggest that Grimace’s commitment to playing nothing but tropical house, in particular the works of Kygo, won’t necessarily nail the clientele this ‘New Cock’ desires, particularly given that the only person who likes Kygo remixes is enough is literally Kygo.
Regardless, this is an intriguing business pivot from a stagnating fast-food joint. The Obiter wonders that if The Beat should ever shut down, Oporto would step into place to be Brisbane’s first gay chicken joint, with eight different dancefloors to go along with the eight different delicious sides. Plenty to ponder
No more to come.