‘Yeah, I care about climate change, but sensible economic management is crucial too,’ said Sarah Huntington-Lee (37), a young business superstar with an unparalleled passion for social liberalism and economic conservatism. Sarah, who serves as both the CFO and CEO of her own management consulting firm, ‘SHL,’ is a proud eco-conservative, or as others would put it, ‘a genuine hypocrite.’
At the ballot box at Graceville State School, Sarah was stuck with the unenviable task of having to balance her honestly-held belief in the importance of climate action, along with her deeply-held beliefs that the Liberal Party are just better economic managers.
‘Plus, those sweaty Labor hacks are from unions, and unions are practically the devil,’ thought Sarah as he filled out her ballot, remembering the wise words of her father, who described unions as ‘lazy bums’ and ‘fuckwits,’ all the while enjoying a 5-day work week and the ability to take a sick day.
All this manifested in Sarah’s delectable final decision. Tugging on her frayed Ralph Lauren sweater, with fresh tumeric latte flowing through her veins, she knew what was right.
‘Greens in the Senate, Liberals in the House!’ she exclaimed in an exclusive post-vote interview with The Obiter.
‘Bill Shorten can’t get his hands on my Noosa beach house, but I also don’t want said beach house to be flooded by seawater and rotting fish carcasses when climate change inevitably comes knocking on the door. So my vote makes perfect sense!’
Ignoring the raw hypocrisy in her decision, Sarah walked with a spring in her step to Goodness Gracious Cafe at Graceville, to meet with her friends and discuss the issues of the day, whilst avoiding the gaze of the cafe worker who almost certainly voted for Bill and his penalty rates.
‘I just don’t think you deserve extra for working on a Sunday,’ she told us, before we made up an excuse to leave and go watch John Wick 3 (joke’s on her though, it’s a sick movie).
Intriguing. We’ll have to follow the adventures of this eco-Tory more closely!
More to come.