Australia’s two intellectual rugby league fans are reportedly ‘...absolutely fuming!’ that Game I of State of Origin has fallen within SWOTVAC, leading to a dilemma that is experienced by remarkably few.
The Venn diagram of the SWOTVAC-obsessed intellectual and the Origin-obsessed league fan has, according to our research, crossed over literally five times in history, and only two present students find themselves in the middle of this Venn diagram; Toowoomba’s Melissa Harris (23), studying a Bachelor of Biomedical Science (Hons), and Brisbane’s own Damien Smyth (21), a Commerce/Law student.
Many suspect Damien follows rugby league solely to be a contrarian against his father, an investment banker, diehard Wallabies supporter, and known critic of ‘...the working class rugby football match,’ (known in most circles as ‘rugby fuckin’ league’).
Normally, young Australians like Melissa and Damien find themselves on an Origin night either with their family, screaming at a television, or with friends, screaming at a television, or in a fine gastropub, such as the Caxton Hotel, screaming at a television. But tonight, with Origin falling right in the middle of SWOTVAC, they are faced with a tragic decision, one that will spell doom for either their passion for rugby league, or their exam performance this coming week.
‘I’m honestly just fucking gobsmack-- sorry, rather shocked at the scheduling decision,’ said Melissa, her country Queensland roots almost escaping.
She continued. ‘It just shows a complete lack of respect from the NRL toward university students desperately studying to achieve straight 7s for their ninth semester in a row - it’s almost as if that’s not their target market!’
Damien, on the other hand, whilst peeved, seemed relatively unfazed. ‘Honestly, I think I’ll just yell at Dad about how the Wallabies suck, say I’m going to the Alderley Arms Hotel to watch the game with some battlers, and then sneak off to uni to nab a couple extra hours of study.’
When further questioned about the game, it became apparent Damien intended just to check the score and Facebook comments at its conclusion, so he could learn just enough to say things like ‘wow, Roberts’ speed through the ruck was something else,’ and ‘Cordner’s leadership left a lot to be desired in the dying minutes of the game.’
Ultimately, the intellectual rugby league fan is a small, but somewhat passionate breed. We are disappointed in the NRL for the sheer flaccidity of this scheduling decision.