In a last-ditch effort to distract everyone from his alleged la corruption (that’s French for corruption), Peter ‘Would-Definitely-Pretend-His-Phone-Is-Dead-To-Avoid-Paying-For-The-Uber’ Hoj has ordered a Zinger Box for every UQ student, inclusive of a free Xi Jinping bobble head!

Although the exiting Vice-Chancellor’s popularity briefly soared to double digits for the first time in his career following this massive legend move, suspicion began creeping into students once they saw that their delicious tender chicken was topped with ‘Prew Davlou Sauce.’

Students also had to wait 6-8 weeks to actually receive their meal after the UQ Union Treasurer decided to urinate in each box, in what President Schmeethan Schman Schmoo described as a revolt against the emerging ‘schizophrenic’ culture of UQ students.

So, alas, it seems that the Great Dane’s last hurrah has failed, and he will spend his dying days as Vice-Chancellor whimpering at his desk, reminiscing on the days of long walks on the beach, and co-writing erotica, with Xi.

No more to come.