Whilst wearing a New York Yankees baseball cap, and shotgunning a six-pack of Budweiser, the King’s College Chairman, Chad Bruce, with the full support of the Administrative Board, has formally announced that ‘we need some mo’ girls in here!’
The decision, reached after extensive consultation with stakeholders and interested parties, particularly on the issue of whether ‘chicks would throw off the vibe,’ has been the topic of intense debate, but ultimately the ‘Sausagefest’ campaign won out.
‘We made a formal decision, on behalf of the College, that the ratio was just well off in here, and it was becoming a total sausagefest. Too many dudes means I’ll snooze, am I right?’ yelled Mr Bruce, barely clinging to the lectern as he shook with excitement at the prospect of chugging a brewski with girls watching.
‘Woohoo!’ screamed the huddle of faceless men who run King’s College standing behind him, before crushing beer cans on their forehead and talking about plans for the ‘big game’ and whether they’ll beat Alabama State this year.
Whilst some critics have stated that King’s is moving to a co-education structure solely to recover their financial losses sustained due to decreasing enrolments and an increasingly damaged reputation, Mr Bruce has averted those fears with a simple equation, which he drew excitedly on a whiteboard for The Obiter.
‘Bro, I swear to God, Einstein came up with this shit. Check it.’
The equation simply read ‘Chicks = Good Times,’ or in its more complicated explanation, ‘Chicks/Dudes = X, X = Good Times where X > 1 or < 10.’
‘This is going to be some Martin Luther King shit, man, like desegregating schools, we’re desegregating gender. Yo, we should change our name to Martin Luther King’s College!’
More to come.