The campaign trail is difficult even for the toughest politicians, and for Prime Minister Scott Morrison, the cracks are beginning to show. Emphasising his Cronulla Sharks membership, passion for beer, and relentless use of the word ‘mate,’ Morrison seems to be basing his campaign around the idea that he’s a ‘regular bloke.’
This electoral strategy is obviously genius, with Australia having a history of electing such ‘regular blokes’ as onion-eating Tony Abbott, China-obssessive Kevin Rudd, Renaissance nerd Paul Keating, and the weirdest of them all, rugby-union-enjoying John Howard.
However, the ‘regular Aussie blokey bloke blokester’ strategy has resulted in some interesting campaign tactics, such as this morning’s ‘Beers, Baptisms, and Bibles’ event, in country NSW town of Coonabarabran.
Filling an Aldi blow-up swimming pool with cans upon cans of Tooheys’ New, the Prime Minister then conducted an impromptu ‘Beer Baptism’ with local pastor, police chief, and owner of one of the two pubs in town, Father Brian Howard.
‘We ask the Lord cast away the sins of being a cuck, being a soyboy, and being a latte liberal,’ pleaded Father Howard to the heavens, as Morrison slowly stripped down to his Cronulla Sharks boxers, and plunged into the lukewarm pond of Tooheys’ New.
‘Let your son be reborn in the heaven’s nectar, this liquid concoction of yeast and barley which calls men to greatness.’
Morrison’s head was then held in the beer until he could barely breathe, like that scene where Euron gets baptised in Game of Thrones. Bursting up from the amber depths of Australia’s ninth-favourite lager, Morrison yelled ‘Yes, the boys!’ before towelling himself off with a sweat rag Paul Gallen used in July 2011.
Campaign advisers have told us to expect more.
More to come (obviously).