‘If I can’t be validated, then nobody can!’ screamed a distraught Mark Zuckerberg as his wife Priscilla, Queen of the Silicon Valley Desert, wiped away his tears.
‘Be careful, Mark-A19B, the crying short-circuits your electronics,’ she reminded him.
‘I do not understand, I gave them the platform, I peddled them their cheap dopamine and what do I get in return? Ignored and rejected, it’s not fair!’
This is not the first time this has happened. According to Facebook insider, Justin Timberlake (38), the last time Mark failed to break ten likes, he ‘cracked the shits’ and changed the app so it no longer showed individual names of users who had liked the post.
However, it appears that this time Mark has taken it a step further and dragged Facebook and Instagram into the recycling bin.
The UN is calling for Mr Zuckerberg to reverse his decision as the ramifications are being felt around the globe. Influencers are reportedly drying up into prune-like corpses, without the ability to refresh their feeds.
‘It’s fucked. One minute she was fine, and then she started wailing, before turning into ET’s ballsack!’ exclaimed the boyfriend of local influencer Isabell Wain.
A preliminary investigation into the limited number of likes received by Mr Zuckerberg has indicated that Mark is that mate that nobody actually invites but is still around.
A second finding is that the tagline for the academy award winning film ‘The Social Network’ is misleading. The promotional material reads ‘You don’t get to 500 million friends without making a few enemies.’ A more accurate representation would change the number of friends to approximately eight.
For real though, I really need social media back up, or I’m going to do something rash and productive.
Hopefully more likes to come.