‘We’re Just Like the ANZACs!’ Says Bloke Going Through About As Much Hardship as Ellen

As we commemorate the greatest sacrifice and heroism in our nation’s history on ANZAC Day tomorrow, let us not forget David Brooks’ (21) great courage as he prepares to stay at home and wank at least seven times.

‘I sort of get what they went through now,’ he thought to himself, licking off Dorito flavouring from his fingers while flailing over the couch.

The ANZACs may have fought with unparalleled courage, but David had to go outside to buy a bottle of milk from Coles last week.

The ANZACs may have fought to protect our freedom, but David heart reacted the UQU’s post in StalkerSpace about ProctorU.

The ANZACss may have fought with undaunted perseverance and selflessness, but David only went up to the Sunny Coast for like a couple of hours this year.

The ANZACss may have paid the ultimate sacrifice, but David hasn’t been able to go to The Regatta for a month.

‘This is literally like WW3 for me,’ he concluded. Yeah not quite, mate.

No more to come.