On November 12, following the completion of what she thought would be her last exam, 6th year Arts/Law student Grace Wilkinson took to the Great Court in a freshly purchased academic cap to celebrate the end of her uni career with some objectively good photos.

Unfortunately for Ms Wilkinson, her hubris was exposed yesterday morning when a fateful, not-so-flirty text from UQ revealed that she had failed two of her subjects. Tragically, this means she will be unable to graduate this year as planned, and will instead have to commit to at least one more semester at the fabled institution.

Or that’s what a chump would do, says Ms Wilkinson.

“Look, I don’t know if I’m a massive coward or incredibly brave, but there is no fucking way I’m showing my face at uni again” hurried a wild-eyed Ms Wilkinson at press time.

“I think I’ll just have to go full Leo in Catch Me if You Can , Fred Argabale or whatever his name is. Fake it til you make it baby. Nobody asks for official transcripts anyway.”

“If anyone with a garbled Boston accent asks me “how’d ya do it Grace? How’d ya pass da bah in Queensland?” I’ll just say that I studied and passed. Simple as.”

Ms Wilkinson read the following prepared statement at press time: “Two little mice fell in a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned. The second mouse, wouldn't quit. He struggled so hard that eventually he churned that cream into butter and crawled out. Gentlemen, as of this moment, I am that second mouse.”

God speed Grace.