Is Max Spork a member of the shadowy "Sportfolio" cabal? Analysis inside.

For the sixth year in a row, a privileged straight white male has been returned unopposed as VP Sport of the UQLS. Allegedly established by VP Funnell '21, the mysterious group known as "Sportfolio" has been pulling the strings of UQLS Elections for over half a decade. Their goal? Total control over the sporting life of the Law School. This devious cabal meets prior to the UQLS elections in what they euphemistically term the "Kit Room," buried somewhere in the tunnels beneath the great court (see cover image). There, they imbibe of the juice of the Milton Mango and plot.

When you look closely at the history of the VPs, the conspiracy becomes clear. Henry Spork (VP '24, His Excellency Spork I) paved the way for Maximilian Spork's accension by arranging for Beirne to succeed him. Beirne is now running for Deputy President. Does this group's lust for power know no bounds? Further, both VPs Watson ('23) and Spork I ('24) are recipients of the W.A. Garske Prize for Best Male Windsurfer, named in honour of the VP Sport ('22), who represented Australia at the Annual Wolfgangsee Windsurfing Championships at Strobl. It would not surprise this correspondent to see this nepotistic awarding continued for VP-Sport-Elect Spork II.

Our VP-Sport-Elect has been preparing for this moment for years. He has played a variety of sports for the UQLS: touch, netball, rugby, soccer, rowing, Gaelic football, and sepak takraw. His successful captaincy of the UQ Law Rugby Team is well known. He was Vice-Captain of the UQ Law Barbarians, who represented the Law School internationally at the Henley Royal Regatta. He leaves us with no choice but to recognise his unsurpassed credentials for the role. Perhaps this was his, and the “Sportfolio's” goal all along.