Presidential Candidate Martin Doyle, who served as the Vice-President of Diversity & Wellbeing this year, has been praised for establishing the UQLS’s first Reconciliation Breakfast.
However, campaign aides are growing concerned that Mr Doyle’s great work in raising law school awareness of Indigenous issues has somewhat skewed his grasp on what made the event groundbreaking.
‘I think Martin genuinely believes the Reconciliation event only worked because it was a breakfast,’ one aide revealed to The Obiter.
‘I suggested we do a lunch for further awareness and he called me an idiot and said a lunch will never work. It must be breakfast.’
According to campaign insiders, Mr Doyle intends to use his presidential powers to host a breakfast for any issue he thinks needs addressing.
‘He’s already budgeted for an Equal Pay Breakfast, a Drought Breakfast, a Breakfast disavowing the Dr Doolittle remake (serving ‘it was good the first time’ crepes), and a hummus breakfast, which we have no further info on and can only assume he just like hummus.’
‘It’s too much.’
Mr Doyle has even become deenergised on the campaign trail just looking at causes around the globe where he feels he could’ve made a difference if he only had the time to throw together a 6:45am booking at a venue close to the city with danishes and pulp-free orange juice.
‘I bet no one organised a breakfast for them,’ Martin sighed, as he tossed down his morning paper in disgust after reading about the attacks on Kurdish fighters in Syria by an advancing Turkey.
‘All it would’ve taken was a chipolata. Is that too much to ask?’
Whilst senior political advisers have suggested that all the yummy hash browns in the world wouldn’t have solved the Troubles in Northern Ireland, nor would they have had much impact in the Rwandan genocide, it seems this bright young candidate is destined to disagree.
And will that destiny carry him to the top job? Time will tell.
In an ironic twist, many of the Kurdish fighters reportedly feeling a little peckish before their untimely death. How rough.
More to come.