Backbench federal politician, and genuinely the shittest fucking bloke, Peter Dutton today learned the harsh risks of applying to the BEL Faculty for a remark after his decision resulted in losing his bid for Prime Minister.

‘I reckon I risk it and back the re-mark,’ Dutton reportedly told his close friends and allies on Wednesday afternoon.

Mr Dutton has told the media that he was fully aware of the risks but really did think he’d get bumped up to the top job on this re-mark.

‘I went up a few votes but still couldn’t scrape into the next bracket,’ Dutton whinged.

At press time, Dutton was checking the Census date to see if he could drop out of Parliament without financial penalty.

More to come.