UQLS Presidential Candidate Maggie Hawkins has been hailed as a highly experienced and capable contender.

However, the ascension of Trump and Kavanaugh have made Hawkins wary of the very-recent, newly-developed trend of men to get pretty much whatever they want.

Witness reports of the candidate’s campaign rituals indicate that Hawkins is aware of the stakes.

“I shall not fail you, mother,” Hawkins was seen whispering into a small locket containing a black and white picture of Hillary Clinton. “You have suffered enough.”

The locket, which is silver and shaped like a uterus, was passed down through generations of impressive women. Forged by Joan of Arc, the piece of jewellery has been worn by the likes of Eleanor Roosevelt, Maya Angelou and Susie O’Neill.

Hawkins reportedly received the locket in the ma*l on 9 November 2016, alongside a note reading ‘Delete your emails – HC.’ Also in the envelope was an iPod nano with solely ‘Fight Song’ downloaded.

As the campaign heats up, Hawkins whispering has become more overt. At press time, the current Equity VP was kneeling before the locket, which she had placed upon the display desk in the Lawbry.

“My Queen, I shall not forsake you as Michigan doust forsake you. I shall use genuine experience to my advantage! Hail, hail!”

More to come.