Some of you will say that this is nothing but a shameless publicity stunt, manufactured by members of the Obiter to plug our coverage of this meeting. Some of you will say that it’s been 2 months since Revue finished, I am clearly in desperate need of attention. Some of you will say that.
Here’s a rough idea of what the next 12 months will look like for the UQLS under the Foxlee Administration.
October 20th, 2026 3:00pm: Voting opens to general members. Immediately, the returning execs notice an influx of votes for one Conor Foxlee. It appears that my status as a D-List campus celebrity thanks to Law Revue, in addition to my acquisition of foreign electoral interference, is working in my favour.
October 21st, 2026 5:00pm: Voting closes, following an unprecedented number of ballots received. I win by an astronomical margin.
6:00pm, that same day: A crisis meeting is held by the UQLS exec. How could this have happened? Can we let him serve his presidency? He doesn’t even have LinkedIn! Need we stage a mutiny?
6:05pm: I emerge from the bushes behind their meeting, where I have been sneakily watching my subordinates plan the early stages of this coup d'état. I calmly reassure my minions that there is nothing to fear. I tell them that I intend to perform my role with pride, vigour and unwavering devotion.
November 11th, 2026: My inauguration. It’s an intimate ceremony with close family and friends, and the law revue band provides live entertainment. It’s official, and there’s no going back on it now.
December 28th, 2026: I flee the country. An airbus A320 transports me to Dublin, Ireland, where I will spend, at minimum, the next 6 months completing an exchange semester. I was well aware of my plans for this exchange at the time of running for the presidency.
December 31st, 2026: Temple bar.
January 4th, 2027: The Cliffs of Mohr.
January 8th, 2027: Various filming sites from the hit 2020 drama series, Normal People.
January 22nd, 2027: Concern is growing amongst the UQLS exec. I have been incredibly difficult to contact. My whereabouts remain a mystery, since I blocked them from viewing my steady flow of Instagram stories.
February 13th, 2027: I receive a message from a newly elected Socials Officer, asking if I can stand in as a witness for the witness examination competition. I am not in the country, so I concoct what ends up being an obvious excuse. Immediately, the jig is up. Never once, ever, have I lied about my availability to avoid volunteering my unremunerated time for the good of a UQLS internal composition. Jaehee knows that something is afoul and informs the rest of the UQLS. A second crisis meeting is proposed.
February 14th, 2027: Valentine’s day. None of the UQLS exec have anywhere to be, so the second crisis meeting is held that day. They uncover my true whereabouts. By near unanimous decision, they conclude that a leadership spill is to be orchestrated. Only two individuals remain loyal to me: newly elected External Competitions VP, Lucas Sherington, who will henceforth be the brains of my operation, and newly elected Secretary, Harry Rae, who shall be the muscle.
February 28th, 2027: Obiter Editor in Chief, Patrick Nix, publishes an article outlining news of my desertion, and pins it to the Lawbry bulletin board. In response, I use my powers as president to defund The Obiter. I redirect both dollars which make up their budget to the UQ Law Revue. Unfortunately, every member of this Law Revue is in The Obiter, so my one and only political move is moot in effect.
March 1st, 2027: The exec contacts me via group FaceTime, and outlines their plans for an emergency election. In response, I say: “I’m not fucking leaving”. This is a reference to that one line delivered by Leonard Dicaprio in the hit 2013 movie, The Wolf of Wall Street. Everyone laughs, and they agree that I share a striking resemblance to the protagonist of this film. All is forgiven.
An extended period of relative peace ensues
August 9th, 2027: A fire breaks out in the Law Library. The building fire warden Andreas Schlodenhart marshals all to safety, but the fire continues to blaze for days on end. I adopt an approach inspired by Scott Morrison, and do not return to the country.
August 16th, 2027: The fire subsides at last. But, by this stage, all trust in my leadership has been quashed. Obiter Editor Patrick Nix gives a speech to my tribute. It’s a moving display, and I accept the errors of my ways. I request that Maria Mariuta be instated as my replacement, knowing that she would have done an outstanding and commendable job of President all along.
