Bible’s communications director described the attempted rebrand of the current Social Sport Officer and Careers VP nominee as ‘the greatest challenge of [his] professional career’.

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Bible has thrown in the towel on his chad persona to take life more seriously. Like a fish out of water, Jake (who is now asking to be referred to as ‘Jacob’) Bible is trying to convince voters he’s got what it takes to be a career man.

The former Commonwealth Games hopeful has entered a new kind of race out of the pool, onto dry land and into law student politics.

‘Time to settle down. Start a family. Make a career,’ thought Bible.

With clear policy objectives such as ‘everyone should theoretically get a job’ and ‘being hot increases your employability’, he’s a shoe-in for Careers VP.

He’s already preparing for clerkship interviews, each morning reciting his affirmations in the mirror:

“My strengths are that I am a person”

“I like working in teams because they are people too”

‘Yes!,’ he thought to himself, ‘I’ve got what it takes to work at Clapton Smutz, or whatever it’s called’.

Bible is also smashing the glass ceiling, with the Careers portfolio having been female dominated for the past four years.

Good thing Jake knows a thing or two about being dominated by females.

We wish Jake all the best in his retirement from professional swimming and keenly await the opening of his consulting firm.