‘This is a miscarriage of justice, bro! I have rights!’ Tom Olsen (19) declared to an unimpressed 6'3, 127kg, bearded seccy, who continued to gnaw relentlessly on his fifth piece of chewing gum for the evening.

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Shocking news coming out of Eagle Street this evening, with local ex-GPS law student, Tom Olsen, attempting, unsuccessfully, to Harvey Spector his way out of being shown the door at Friday’s.

‘It’s just fucked, you know, I bet he doesn’t even know the law,’ a disgruntled Olso grumbled to us as he made his way to GyG, earnestly puzzled at why the Friday’s burly bouncer didn’t seem interested in the fact that he got a 6 in Contracts A.

It appears Tom’s evening had gone from bad to worse, with the elite mixed netballer reportedly having spotted his ex happily enjoying an Aperol Spritz just hours prior.

This is no doubt what sparked a series of events which culminated in Olso being advised by the frightfully enormous seccy that his night was over.

‘You’re done, sorry mate,’ the big boy told Tommo grimly, gently massaging his shoulder, moments after spotting him trying to punch on with no one in particular after they ‘looked at [him] funny’.

After a noble attempt at persuasion, which involved quoting the Magna Carta and multiple references to the civil rights movement, Tom’s night was indeed over.

More valiant attempts at saving the evening to come.