As part of a package of Christian reforms brought to the TC Beirne School of Law, new Dean Patrick Parkinson has elected to replace the ‘hot water’ function of ZipTaps with ‘Holy Water,’ hoping the move will encourage heathen Law students to repent.
‘Hot water is the Devil’s work,’ said a spokesperson for the Law school, remarking that ‘Satan often works in mysterious ways. ZipTaps is one of them. But ZipTaps can be reclaimed for the side of the Lord.’
The move is hardly unique, as it follows a directive Pope John Paul II wrote on his deathbed, his papal signature glistening on a piece of parchment that reads ‘Put Holy Water in their S’wells. Save their souls. Ave Maria.’
Whilst the decision has proved controversial in some quarters, most students are fairly comfortable with the rapid Catholicization of the Law Library. ‘God, I need all the help I can get in Contracts B!’ said one first-year student, whilst another said ‘Satan must be weaving his magic in Principles Of Public Law - I don’t understand some elements of the course and it’s definitely not my fault!’
These students have thus welcomed a holier presence in their S’well and/or (inferior) Oasis water bottles.
The mysterious papal figure of Parkinson has been seen wandering the corridors of the Law school, muttering ‘Amo hoc ipsum lex sit amet,’ which is believed to be Latin.
Fascinating scenes! Probably more to come!