The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences caused a little bit of a stir with its announcement of a new category for the 2019 Academy Awards, and the controversy is showing no signs of dissipating.
The Oscar for Outstanding Achievement In Popular Film was arguably created to address criticisms that the Academy was growing out of touch, focusing on slow-paced, thoughtful films involving elderly white people doing slow-paced, thoughtful things.
But today, they have elected to hit back even harder on those criticisms. Much like the bus in Keanu Reeves’ masterpiece Speed, this runaway bus of the Oscars becoming politically aware is showing no signs of halting, with the Academy announcing a new category.
‘Most Woke Moment In A Motion Picture.’
A fascinating loophole in the rules for the award has been noted, with the phrasing of the guidelines technically suggesting the motion picture itself doesn’t have to be new, but rather, the woke moment itself must be new. Subsequently, a number of old Hollywood directors have expressed their intention to retrospectively insert woke moments into their old films, hoping to get their hands around the inaugural ‘#WokeOscar.’
Mel Gibson, now a famed anti-Semite and generally insane person, has announced plans to reshoot 1995 winner Braveheart wherein Scottish warrior William Wallace delivers a compelling speech on the importance of unity in the wake of Brexit, whilst decapitating an English soldier.
Similarly, Billy Zane’s villainous character in Titanic will now be given a scene toward the end, wherein he voluntarily flings himself into the water upon realising he is a hateful misogynist. And in very recent news, James Cameron has suggested he will remove the scene where the blue aliens in Avatar bond with their animals in the same way they have sex - not because it would be woke, but because he finally realised that was just an odd fucking element of the movie.
Critics have remarked that the new award is a fairly tokenistic way to encourage more motion pictures to have diverse roles and feature diverse stories, and are reportedly fearful the move will simply encourage cishet white male directors to shoehorn in an inspiring minority.
In response, we’d like to announce the creation of “The Obiter Films,” our new production company, who will be debuting our first film, ‘Women Are The Cat’s Pyajamas, Minorities Are The Bees Knees,’ at Cannes next year.