‘I don’t want to talk to you, mate.’ The thought ran through the head of Bartholomew O’Leary (20), a Commerce/Law student, as a really gooby acquaintance, Mark Steffervescence (19), approached him with a massive dorky grin spread across his face.
As Mark opened his mouth, Bart’s skin bristled with rage, as he knew something weird would come out. Mark’s incessant attempts to begin conversations with Bart often fell painfully flat, as his atrocious conversational skills and bizarre body odour continue to count against him.
But today, Mark felt he was onto a winner with a conversation topic which has dominated the campus for a grand total of two days. Student politics. Student activism. Call it what you will, it has gripped headlines, StalkerSpace, and casual conversation with acquaintances for at least 48 hours. As Facebook feeds become engorged with the efforts of Focus, Momentum, and Revive (not a real party, but God, it sounds like it could be one), so too does casual conversation become engorged with references to how annoying StuPol is.
However, what is often forgotten in these zany days, is that conversation about how annoying StuPol is is often as annoying as StuPol itself.
Still with us after that abject fucking trainwreck of a sentence? Good. Let’s return to Mark’s dorky little opening attempt to chat with loose acquaintance, Bartholomew.
‘God, I just hate being approached by those StuPol gimps! Am I right?’ said Mark. A flash of genuine anger went across Bart’s face, as he wondered whether to tell Mark that he was just as gimpy as the gimps he accused of being gimpy.
But he let it slide. He suffered three more minutes of conversation with Mark, before moving on. Because at the end of the day, in this election called life, it’s not the popular vote people remember. It’s the electoral college.
Tell that to Peter Hoj.