Australian farmers have been ravaged by drought throughout 2018. The devastating refusal of the sky to piss has led to unimaginable hardship for the agricultural sector.
One demographic of the Australian populace, however, has not been feeling the effects of the drought: fish.
‘Mate I fucking swear to God if I hear one more coward bitching about the drought I’m going to lose my shit,’ a fish told The Obiter in an exclusive swim-down interview.
‘All these people on Facebook and ABC’s The Drum being all like “there’s no water, there’s no water!” I’m like, mate don’t know about you, but I’m surrounded by the shit.’
The fish we spoke to was adamant that the drought is left-wing conspiracy developed to advance the Safe Schools agenda. When pressed on this, the fish was genuinely unable to offer any evidence to back up this pretty massive claim. ‘Open your fucking eyes,’ the fish spat as he meekly slapped his wet little tail against our arm. ‘The left, mate, they just go on about droughts and water to distract you from all the abortion.’
As the interview went on, it became alarmingly clear to The Obiter that we had somehow managed to track down the ocean’s most alt-right fish. If anything, this was a testament to the importance of careful background checks of your sources in journalism.
All it would have taken was one Google search to reveal that this particular fish was the admin of a Nazi-fish sympathising Facebook page called ‘Adolf Fin: Our Revolution!’
The fish is a shit bloke. There’s still a drought. The fish just lives in a bubble where the harms of the drought don’t affect him. His water tanks are full but those of the farmers are not. Please donate.
Do not give in to the fascist urgings of this mean, mean fish. He’s a shit fish. He’s a bad fish.
Yeah alright think we’re done on this one. Have a great Thursday.