Jack Bronson (23), a Kayo subscriber, Commerce student, and a man who has a Brooklyn Nine-Nine quote in his Instagram bio, has confessed to his mates today that whilst he’s aware there’s something a bit off, something a bit ‘how you going’ with those Ruskies and those Chinese (no we’re not giving them a nickname), he has absolutely no idea what’s going on.
Over a few Heinekens (they were on special, back off), the conversation between Jack and his friends weaved between the Brisbane Lions, the Australian cricket team, and whether or not to raise Newstart so that people aren’t living in abject poverty because we have a sickeningly self-centred approach to taxation and welfare, before finally settling on what every fella loves to unpack over a cold one (or even two).
In a rare moment of raw honesty from a man who knows how to lie a lie better than he knows how to tie a tie, Jack laid his cards on the table.
But after that hand of poker was done, Jack laid his metaphorical cards on the table by letting the lads know that whilst he is unshakeably confident that there’s something pretty crook happening with the Russian government and the Chinese government, he has truly no idea of the details.
‘It’s something about surveillance, right?’ he spitballed, with that conversational first-serve limply sailing into the net of mediocrity as he received nothing but shrugs from his mates.
‘Or like, the gays? I know they don’t have it easy. In either place. Or just one?’
Jack continued as the shrugs grew greater, before deciding it was easier to just say ‘fuck it’ and write a note reminding himself to get a subscription to The Economist. As world affairs unfold around this archetypal young Australian, expect him to be pretty aware of what’s happening in a broad sense, but if you expect him to fill in any details, you’ll come up more empty-handed than his bank account after a weekend at the ‘races’ (of which 80% of his time was suspiciously spent in the bathrooms).
Plenty more to come, loving this guy.