The UQES have drawn considerable intrigue to their Economics Ball, with their theme of ‘Cluedonomics’ inspiring memories of long, tedious board games that are won almost exclusively by some dickhead uncle.
But the ‘Cluedonomics’ Ball will not simply be a night of drinking, board games, and more drinking.
The Obiter can exclusively reveal that, as a consequence of internal documents leaked by a whistleblower, we understand the UQES plans to graphically murder a ball attendee in order to fully commit to the ‘Cluedo’ theme.
The attendee will be chosen at random, and after they enter the ballroom, will be promptly taken away and murdered. But who will do the murder? With what weapon? And why is a uni society genuinely suggesting they’ll kill someone? These are all questions we asked the UQES President, Wallace Fitzsimons.
‘It’s all about commitment to a theme, and we think by facilitating the brutal murder of a ball attendee with a rope, a hammer, or a gun, we think we can achieve the best value for all attendees. Except for the one who was murdered, of course,’ indicated Wallace.
‘The victim probably would’ve been murdering his liver by the end of the night, though! Ha ha.’
The Queensland Police Service have proved remarkably blase about the entire matter, muttering they ‘couldn’t get a ticket to the ball,’ and that it was ‘such bullshit.’
Regardless, ball attendees have seemed somewhat nervous about the prospect of being brutally hung by the neck, shot, stabbed, or bludgeoned to death, whilst trying to enjoy some sort of juice-oriented cocktail (like, just give us a beer, seriously).
‘Obviously, a murder would be very exciting,’ proposed 3rd-year BAFE student, Sara Koslowski.
‘Not as exciting as supply-and-demand though! Would you look at that curve? Woah! But yeah, I’d rather not be murdered, if that’s all the same with you.’
Far more to come.