A tired and downtrodden Theresa May has made a truly bizarre move, in an attempt to secure some sort of Brexit deal. After repeatedly being knocked back by the EU, and then her own parliament, the British PM is reportedly at breaking point.
May has allegedly contacted Channel 7 entertainer and former lover, Andrew O’Keefe.
‘Come on Andy, do it for me… Do you remember the summer we spent in Corfu? My body shakes at the thought. Surely you can convince the Channel 7 executives to give you one more episode?’ May was heard whispering into a burner phone.
‘Can’t you just come on The Chase?’ asked a groggy O’Keefe, who had clearly just woken up, because Theresa had forgotten about time zones.
‘No Keefey, darling, I must get a Deal, I must. I must.’
It is unclear at this point exactly what Theresa May hopes to achieve from this appearance. However, political commentators theorise that any winnings will be beneficial to the UK, and be classified as foreign aid after they inevitably leave the EU without a deal.
‘I can’t believe that I will have to subject myself to playing court jester for the colonies to secure my precious deal,’ muttered the quasi-delusional Prime Minister.
Scrawlings found on a bus window (the 379 from the city), believed to have been left by May, have been discovered to proclaim ‘Briefcase 26’.
Political reporters believe this is linked to Andrew O’Keefe famously shouting ‘Booyah!’ whenever briefcase 26 is opened.
More to come.