Sexually anxious 14-year-old boy, Lachie Sinclair, has today revealed his 36-step plan to reach the promised land of oral sex within the next five years.
The comprehensive plan was unveiled by the Year 9 student to a large congregation of scientists, policy makers and key stakeholders who assembled for the Australian Social Policy Conference (ASPC) in Canberra on Tuesday.
Jones is the youngest ever presenter at the conference, and the first to ever discuss their own quest to get their penis sucked.
Attendees were left stunned by the presentation, with Treasurer Josh Frydenberg stating at press time that ‘I couldn’t believe what I was seeing up there. I never would have thought of some of this stuff. I mean just take a look at Step 17: Get Big Muscles - the kid’s a public policy prodigy!’
Frydenberg proceeded to pledge $12M of taxpayer money to Jones’ cause, which will be made possible by further cuts to the ABC budget, a move that has received support from across the political spectrum.
Sources say the inspiration for the plan stemmed from a school careers day two weeks ago, which forced Jones to think deeply about what he wanted out of life.
While he perused a number of different options, including a career as a video game animator and professional skater, only one goal stuck out for the young man: get gobbies, soon please.
God speed, young man.
No more to cum.