‘Lily Potter couldn’t have saved him from that one!’
The words of Ray Warren rung out across the Suncorp Stadium commentary box after witnessing perhaps the biggest Brute Big Hit of the year, dished out by Jason Taumalolo on a hapless Filius Flitwick in the opening game of the NRL Magic Round.
The Magic Round, a concept by which NRL teams take on groups of magicians in a series of rugby league matches played at Suncorp, has proved a boon to both Muggle and wizarding tourism.
Taumalolo’s North Queensland Cowboys demolished Flitwick’s ragtag team of witches and wizards, 364-1, in what was truly magical viewing. The one point scored by the witches and wizards was via an incredibly optimistic field goal by Elphias Doge in the 79th minute.
While the NRL publicly stated for weeks their Magic Round would simply involve every match in Round 9 being played at Suncorp Stadium, a single question has dominated discussion amongst fans for weeks leading up to the event.
‘What’s with the Magic?’
NRL CEO and fucking filthy Squib, Todd Greenberg, finally answered that question on Monday, revealing the Cowboys-Magicians fixture that went down last night.
While questions remained about why this event was even happening, much more pertinent questions have been raised by media figures since the announcement, namely ‘How did Todd Greenberg successfully bring to life a whole team of characters from a fictional children’s story?’
The question remains unanswered, but it has been confirmed that wizards are shit with the pill, and have no courage or organisation in defence. The game management skills of Flitwick left plenty to be desired.
Turns out magic won’t save you when you’ve got a 122kg Logan native running at you, and you’re a fucking midget.
More to come from this brilliant move by the NRL.