Arthur Bensington-Whiteley (33), the Greens candidate for Ryan, sat back in his desk and sighed contentedly, sipping on a short long black from his Frank Green reusable coffee cup.
He’d just written up a great policy memorandum, briefing his staffers on how to discuss the Greens’ chief education policy initiative: free university to all Australians. An enormously appealing policy to young Australians, this fresh approach would eradicate the current HECS system, and ensure tuition payment for all who seek tertiary education.
‘Um, dare I say, woke?’ he typed, chuckling to himself as he delicately employed youthful slang in the memo to his youthful team.
Arthur himself felt the cold grip of HECS debt around his neck, or at least he would have had he not enjoyed the benefit of having parents who told him ‘don’t worry, mate, we’ll cough up’ when he announced the fees for his Bachelor of Arts/Bachelor of Commerce at UQ.
But free uni definitely would’ve helped alleviate the burden of his parents, thought Arthur, reflecting on the heartbreaking time they could only go on one ski holiday in the second year of his degree.
Looking over his memo, Arthur particularly found himself struck by his own brilliance in his concluding phrase, which neatly summarised his approach: ‘Tax the rich, but also straight-up give them $60 000 with our free uni policy.’
‘Wowza. Hit the nail on the head with that one, Art!’ he yelled to no one in particular.
He couldn’t wait to get out to his electorate tomorrow, to sing the praises of a wealth transfer that saves upper-middle class families tens of thousands of dollars per year.
‘If there’s anything the wealthy need, it’s a little bit of their bloody burden alleviated!’ he was ready to yell in a suburban shopping centre, looking very slick in his open-necked checked shirt.
At the end of the day, the sort of platform that both decriminalises drugs, and then gives the middle class $60 000 to spend on coke over four years, is exactly the sort of platform that we at The Obiter genuinely love and cherish.
Vote Green. Way more to come!